Dilemma
J and I have a bit of a dilemma. We were told to schedule our 7-week ultrasound on October 20th. October 20th happens to be our 5-year wedding anniversary. On first glance this seems like kismet. What could be more perfect than celebrating your wedding anniversary by seeing your baby's heartbeat for the first time? But I know you all immediately see the rub: what if we don't see the heartbeat?
If the worst happens (and we know it can), that memory will forever be associated with our wedding anniversary. One of our saddest days eternally linked with one of our happiest. While there's a terrible beauty in that ying-and-yang, I'd much prefer to leave our anniversary unmarred. There is not much in our lives that remains untouched by infertility. I want our anniversary to be one of them.
Instead we could schedule the ultrasound for the 19th. But is that really much better? I don't remember the date in June when we learned that I would miscarry my first pregnancy, and I'm grateful for that because it spares me having to relive the precise moment year after year. But the 19th is a day I would remember simply because it's the day before our anniversary.
As luck would -- or wouldn't -- have it, October 20th is a Friday. So, if we wanted to wait until after our anniversary to do the ultrasound, we'd have to wait until the 23rd. That's three more days of torture. It's the best option in terms of preserving the joy of our anniversary, but it's the worst in terms of my sanity. I'm actually doing okay with the wait at the moment, but who knows how I'll feel next week? Each day gets a little bit harder.
So, what should we do? Risk it and schedule the ultrasound on the 19th? Or figure we've waited this long, we can wait three more days? What would you do?
posted by sube @ 11:44 AM
15 comments
15 Comments:
Oh Sube... I don't really know the answer to what would be best for you. To be honest though, I'd still think three days after you Anniv would be remembered just as much as the day before your Anniv... know what I mean? They are all pretty close in time frame to your special Anniv day. If you guys want to celebrate and not worry about the u/s on your actual Anniv then I'd do it on Monday... but would you be able to not worry? I know I'm absolutely no help here. Sorry! If it was me I'd probably go ahead and do it the day before or on the day of our Anniv and pray for good news. I wouldn't be able to wait the extra days.
Hugs- Faith
Boy, that's a real dilemma!
The 23d is three more days of torture, but you do have a nice distraction along the way.
At this point, there's nothing you can do to change the outcome, good or bad.
Good luck deciding!
Wow, the Universe actually found a way to make this even MORE difficult, 'let's link the first U/S to Sube's anniversary har har!'
I've never gotten that far, so I don't know how I'd feel. But knowing how the waiting (in general) gets harder for me each day, I think I'd go ahead and choose an earlier date.
And I echo what Faith said, unfortunately all of these days are so close to your anniversary they're inextricably linked.
I'd avoid the actual day, though, to keep that sacred and try for the day before.
And here's praying you get good news which makes the celebration even better!!
Er yuk, what a decision.
Like Lut says, nothing you can do will change the outcome, so I'd probably be inclined to wait a few days and just enjoy your anniversary.... good luck with whatever you decide!
What a difficult decision. I don't really know. Maybe the day before? In case I forget later, happy anniversary. I will always remember that date too. It's my birthday but I am not telling which.
Good luck. How are you feeling physically?
This is a stinky dilemma.
It is true that it won't change the outcome, but knowing that you could schedule it not to coincide with your anniversary, I think I would try that. It is an extra few days, but if this means you will celebrate your anniversary together without worrying what might happen in a few days, that's the way to go. If you will be worrying anyway, I say go on your anniversary.
I'm not sure if I could wait, but I've never made it far enough to have this dilemma.
I hope all this scheduling dilemma is for nothing and you have a WONDERFUL anniversary and a WONDERFUL ultrasound. I will certainly be thinking of you.
I don't know if I am a good person to ask or not since I got bad news at our 7 week ultrasound a month ago, but I would wait until after your anniversary. If you do it on or before, and it isn't good, then your anniversary will be ruined. If it were me I would definitely wait the 3 extra days. That being said, I soooo hope that you get wonderful news at your 7 week ultrasound, regardless of when you choose to do it.
My vote is after your anniversary. With the u/s the longer you wait the better as far as seeing anything. Of course it is hell to have to wait but if you scheduled it for Monday very early a.m. then maybe that would help.
Good luck and I hope you get good news!!!
I would wait until the 23rd. It leaves more days inbetween. You'll survive the wait, don't we always?
I understand your feelings totally. The baby we miscarried was due on our anniversary, and I now have no choice but to always remember the little one we lost. It's coming up here next month, and I am already starting to dread it.
At any rate, I can't wait to hear your results! Best wishes!
I'm a terrible waiter, but I think I'd postpone till the 23rd, too. It's not fair that even this can't be easy!
Just catching up with your good news! Congrats!!!
Sube--oh what a dilemma. I don't know what is the right answer. I am not sure if I can wait 3 more days to find out, as someone asked, do you have enought to keep you distracted? Let's hope that everything is okay and that this day will be something that you will be celebrating in years to come!
I didn't read the other comments so someone may have said this already - but how far in advance do you have to schedule it? Can you schedule it for the 19th and give them 24 hour notice of cancellation without penalty? If so, I would schedule for the 19th and if on the 18th you realize you can wait - then cancel and re-schedule.
If you can't do those sorts of things then I would say follow your heart. I know how I am - I am a terrible waiter. I'm sure you know how you are, so schedule accordingly. If you can wait, I would. If you can't - well, you can't.
Good luck and I can't wait to hear!!
I say wait the extra days. Even if worrying and waiting is tortuous, it's still better than having to deal with crushing news on your anniversary. If all is well on Monday, then you'll still have nice memories of your anniversary either way.
I don't think there is an easy answer. Personally, I would wait so that if it's bad news it would come after the anniversary. But on the other hand, if waiting is really hard on you, it might make the anniversary too strained with the anticipation of the appointment.
So, in conclusion, I am not helpful at all. But I want you to know I am thinking of you.
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