Monday, October 23, 2006

The moment before knowing

Tomorrow is the day. I've weathered the last 3+ weeks relatively well, but I'm starting to come apart at the seams. There is just so much riding on this ultrasound. I can honestly say I have never wanted something more in all my life.

I don't have much in the way of symptoms, and that's making me nervous. I'm tired, but that's as likely to be a result of the non-stop packing and cleaning we've been doing trying to get the house ready to put on the market. I'm mildly queasy throughout the day, but nothing I'd call nausea. I wish there was more to report, but there's not.

My appointment is not until tomorrow afternoon. Of all the time we've been waiting, the moment I am dreading most is sitting on the exam table waiting for the doctor to arrive. That moment before knowing. Part of me wanting more than anything to know the answer, and part of me wanting to clutch that paper sheet around me and make a run for it.

Because no matter what the ultrasound shows, after tomorrow life will never be the same. For good or for bad.

15 Comments:

At October 23, 2006 9:11 PM, Anonymous Sarah said...

Good luck tomorrow.I'll be thinking of you.

 
At October 23, 2006 10:23 PM, Anonymous Ms.Once said...

I can never sleep the night before a scan, so I'm wishing you sweet dreams tonight and, above all, all good thoughts for all good things for you tomorrow.

 
At October 24, 2006 4:38 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

Good luck! The internets are all pulling for you.

 
At October 24, 2006 5:22 AM, Blogger serenity said...

Good luck, hon - I will be thinking of you and hoping for the very very best. Keep us posted.

 
At October 24, 2006 6:49 AM, Blogger susan said...

Good, good luck. I'm thinking of you.

 
At October 24, 2006 6:50 AM, Blogger MoMo said...

Good luck today today. I will be thinking about you.

 
At October 24, 2006 8:04 AM, Blogger Thalia said...

I can only imagine how hard this is. We are all pulling for you.

 
At October 24, 2006 8:34 AM, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

We will be there with you as you wait... and there for you after you come back with your news.

Wishing you all the best, Sube!

 
At October 24, 2006 9:03 AM, Blogger Murray said...

Good luck.

I hardly had any symptoms and still don't really but apparently things are fine. Hopefully that is the same for you.

 
At October 24, 2006 9:04 AM, Blogger Heather said...

I'm thinking about you. Praying. Hope I'm not late with the prayers! Please let us know.

 
At October 24, 2006 10:51 AM, Blogger electriclady said...

Thinking of you, Sube!

 
At October 24, 2006 11:46 AM, Blogger ChicagoGirl said...

Good luck tonight. You're in my thoughts.

 
At October 24, 2006 12:34 PM, Blogger Lut C. said...

Life will never be the same, well put.
Wishing you the best.

 
At October 24, 2006 1:49 PM, Blogger Jess said...

Oh...Good luck! I am praying for you!!

 
At October 24, 2006 2:29 PM, Anonymous JMW said...

You expressed it really well, Sube - that tension between being desperate to know, and desperate NOT to know. I'm in the same boat as you with a similar history. At my last u/s I swear I actually left my body for a few minutes.

Here's hoping you are getting good news even as I write this (not sure what time zone you're in).

 

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