The moment before knowing

Tomorrow is the day. I've weathered the last 3+ weeks relatively well, but I'm starting to come apart at the seams. There is just so much riding on this ultrasound. I can honestly say I have never wanted something more in all my life.

I don't have much in the way of symptoms, and that's making me nervous. I'm tired, but that's as likely to be a result of the non-stop packing and cleaning we've been doing trying to get the house ready to put on the market. I'm mildly queasy throughout the day, but nothing I'd call nausea. I wish there was more to report, but there's not.

My appointment is not until tomorrow afternoon. Of all the time we've been waiting, the moment I am dreading most is sitting on the exam table waiting for the doctor to arrive. That moment before knowing. Part of me wanting more than anything to know the answer, and part of me wanting to clutch that paper sheet around me and make a run for it.

Because no matter what the ultrasound shows, after tomorrow life will never be the same. For good or for bad.