Monday, November 13, 2006

Normal, or not

Last Friday J administered my final PIO shot. No more greeting the day with a poke in the ass. Hallelujah. On Saturday we celebrated by sleeping in well past the normal injection time. I would have slept in even longer, but my bladder refused to play along. That's happening more and more these days.

It seemed strange to me that you quit PIO cold-turkey. One day your body gets extra progesterone, the next day it doesn't. How does that make sense? I asked the RE. He said your body starts making progesterone at around 7 weeks. He rather sheepishly admitted that in theory we could have stopped doing the shots around that time, but that they recommend continuing in the name of caution. I'm all for caution when it comes to maintaining this pregnancy, so I didn't complain. In fact, I told him I'd continue the shots through the entire pregnancy if he told me it would help. "No doubt," he said. "You'd stand on your head for three hours a day if I told you it would help." Sadly, he's right.

So, for the first time in longer than I can remember, the only medication I'm on is prenatal vitamins. My RE said that at this point my pregnancy is no different than any other pregnancy, and I am no different than any other pregnant woman.

Except that I am. The scars of infertility don't magically disappear once you become pregnant. You've read that same statement on a million other pregnancy-after-infertility blogs, and it's true. You worked a lot harder to get to this point than most of the other pregnant women out there, and somehow that's significant. It makes you different and it makes you feel differently about your pregnancy.

I recently trolled through some popular pregnancy message boards and found I just couldn't relate to the other women. Those 23-year-olds who tried for 6 weeks, or women pregnant with their 4th, or those who "weren't even trying! LOL!" Their stories simply aren't my story.

I'm going to have to find a good pregnancy-after-infertility message board. Somewhere where pronouncements like, "I'm more bloated now than I was even after my egg retrieval" or "I haven't seen a doctor in two weeks and I'm in withdrawal" won't fall on deaf ears. At least somewhere where I'll never again have to read the statement, "Vaginal ultrasounds? I didn't even know they did those. Gross!"

I mean, seriously.

45 Comments:

At November 13, 2006 3:45 PM, Anonymous Watson said...

Ahhhh...the sweet bliss of not knowing what a vaginal ultrasound is! How I long for those halcyon days.

Sube, congrats on ending the PIO shots. I know the scars of IF are still there, and hopefully they're your badge of courage. And tenacity. And SUCCESS.

My hope is that the rest of your pregnancy is so uneventful (in a good way), that you start to feel like 'any other pregnant woman,' but watch out for those crazy message boards Girl!

xoxo

 
At November 13, 2006 3:50 PM, Blogger Krista said...

I HEAR YOU. My doctor said the same thing to me today (I am currently 8 weeks, 3 days). I thought to myself you have no idea. There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for this prengancy and ask that it continue. But there is also not a day that goes by that I don't think about my last miscarriage, how quickly it happened, how it might happen again.

This is not like normal pregnancies, not even close. If you find that message board, please let me know.

 
At November 13, 2006 4:11 PM, Blogger Plain Jane Mom said...

And if it were me I would have left the appointment thinking to myself "Hmmm, I wonder if standing on my head might help. Was the doctor trying to tell me something? I'll have to do some googling when I get to the office..."

Congrats on being shot-free!

 
At November 13, 2006 7:41 PM, Blogger Kris said...

Congratulations on your latest milestone! No more shots... I long for that day.

 
At November 13, 2006 9:24 PM, Blogger seattlegal said...

That has got to be a really nice feeling - to be done with those PIO shots. I'm looking forward to the day (only 1 more month to go).

I'd love to find that message board for those who are pregnant after infertility, I'd love to know about it too!

 
At November 13, 2006 9:25 PM, Blogger seattlegal said...

O.K. My last statement made no sense.
I meant...
I'd love to find that message board for those who are pregnant after infertility. If you find it, I'd love to know about it too!

 
At November 14, 2006 5:05 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

I totally agree! It's odd to be declared "normal". Congrats on ending the shots!

 
At November 14, 2006 6:14 AM, Blogger MoMo said...

Sube--I hear you. It is never the same, even at this point for me, I still feel different. "Normal" is not a word I ever feel comfortable with when it comes to this pregnancy. Congratulations on no more PIO shots!! I felt the same way as you did...almost scared about stopping it--thinking that without the shots, my pregnancy was in danger! Hugs!

 
At November 14, 2006 6:20 AM, Blogger soralis said...

So glad you are done with the shots... wishing you an uneventful rest of your PG.

I really hear you on the PG after IVF thoughts. I think there are some Infertility boards out there that have sections for PG after infertility. Hope you find somewhere to 'hang out'.

Take care

 
At November 14, 2006 6:44 AM, Blogger Thalia said...

Oh please tell me who said that thing about vaginal ultrasounds so I can go and poke them in the eye! Please?

Re progesterone, actually there is plenty of evidence that says you can stop at your positive test. Yet all REs I know are way to scared to let us do that. Funny how much of medical practice is about not upsetting patients rather than what is medically correct.

Anyway, very glad to hear that all is well. Long may that continue.

 
At November 14, 2006 6:56 AM, Blogger TeamWinks said...

What they fail to understand is that sometimes the transvaginal ultrasound is the most action you've seen in a while!

 
At November 14, 2006 7:29 AM, Blogger Heather said...

You crack me up.

I totally see you standing on your head for three hours a day. You so would. You would do anything for your child. You are gonna be a great Mom. I'm so happy for you.

I hope you find that message board. You do need people who understand where you have come from.

 
At November 14, 2006 7:39 AM, Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

I was never so excited to have an ultrasound as I was the day I had my first NON trans-vaginal. It was a real milestone not to have to take down my pants for an exam. :)

SO glad things are going well for you. And if you find that message board, please let us know!

 
At November 14, 2006 5:32 PM, Blogger steph said...

Change is good! Glad to hear some more things are changing for you. Hope it keeps getting more and more real for you and less and less worrisome.
I think if anything, the resonating pain in your ass will always remind you of IF. And I think EVERY woman should have to experience a good vaginal probing so they know what they're missing!

 
At November 21, 2006 9:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Check out the many pregnancy-realted bulletin boards at

http://www.ivfconnections.com

They are great!!! I'm addicted to them.

P.S. They have boards for pregnant after IUI there too so you don't actually have to have had IVF to partake.

MSL

 
At November 21, 2006 12:11 PM, Blogger Just another Jenny said...

I know what you mean about quitting the progesterone. Mine was in pill form so I actually weened off of them (even though I wasn't told too).
It's hard to fit into the super fertile world just because we are pregnant. Infertile and pregnant is a special category unto it's own.

 
At November 21, 2006 8:41 PM, Blogger Em said...

Hey...there's lots of us in the IF blogsphere that can be your sounding board! Congrats on the news. I'm a little behind with my blog reading.

 
At November 28, 2006 9:33 AM, Blogger Rachel Inbar said...

I still remember that last PIO. Standing in front of the mirror trying to find the spot with the smallest amount of scar tissue...

The one advantage of the vaginal ultrasound is that it isn't nearly as messy.

Here (in Israel) they refer to pregnancy after infertility as a "precious pregnancy"... and if you have questions or concerns, everyone treats you more gently.

 
At November 28, 2006 1:19 PM, Blogger BeckyZ said...

What a great day--no more needles--yay! and for a good reason!

I know that RESOLVE has a pg-after IF board--haven't lurked there recently but from what I remember it's exactly what you're looking for!

 
At November 28, 2006 3:41 PM, Anonymous shell said...

Urgh. The pregnancy message boards are the worst! I've lurked on your site for a bit. You're about three weeks ahead of me and I thought maybe I could hang out here instead of the lame "Oh I'm pregg-o and the hubby and I weren't even trying LOL!!!!!" boards? 8-]

 
At November 29, 2006 2:57 PM, Blogger Krista said...

Hey Sube, is everything ok. Haven't heard from you in a while.

 
At December 06, 2006 8:09 AM, Blogger fisher queen said...

Message boards are a bad idea in general.

Congrats on finishing the PIOs!

 
At December 06, 2006 11:16 AM, Blogger Jess said...

Hope all is well, sube...long time, no post!!

Do throw us an update, k?

:)

 
At December 06, 2006 3:42 PM, Blogger r.a.w. said...

Thinking of you...

 
At December 07, 2006 9:18 AM, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

Sube - I miss your posts. I hope everything is OK.

 
At December 08, 2006 4:29 PM, Anonymous Sarah said...

Sube, I am so excited for you. I am just catching up after having been offline while I was in the hospital for a month! Congratulations, it really is happening. And you are not the same as every other pregnant woman. You had to work hard for it and carry the scars of IF that will make this all the more sweet! Take care.

 
At December 13, 2006 10:39 AM, Blogger electriclady said...

Hey Sube--hope all is well with you. Thinking of you.

 
At December 21, 2006 6:43 PM, Blogger Alli said...

OMG, how I wish I didn't know the intrusion of a vaginal u/s - let alone on one of the first days of your cycle. "YUCK!" indeed.

Let me know if you find a good board. I feel the same way about relating to people who haven't gone down this road.

Isn't it strange to be told your pregnancy is now just "normal?" Even though we lost one twin, by next u/s likely no one would be able to tell it was ever there and we'd continue on a low risk pregnancy. It's hard to imagine.

 
At December 22, 2006 9:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

just wanted to say hi, I found your blog today. I am a pg after a subsequent pg after secondary infertility after 2 losses gal....(did ya get all that!??!) and I just wanted to say CONGRATS on your pregnancy! And I'll be reading your blog and hoping the best for you!!!
Steph

 
At December 22, 2006 2:24 PM, Blogger UtRus said...

I'm in the same boat, but a little further along. I went off my vag suppository progesterone just this week (I am now 13w1d). They kept me on it an additional week because we did CVS testing and the doc feels that the progesterone helps prevent cramping. I was on 200mg 4x per day because I've got twins in there.

I tell you, two days after I went off these suppositories, I feel better than I have felt in about 7-8 weeks. I'll blog about it now.

 
At December 23, 2006 3:25 PM, Blogger Jess said...

Merry Christmas, Sube. Hope you are well! :)

 
At December 26, 2006 12:22 PM, Blogger Beagle said...

I agree, ivfconnections.com might be a good place to find some pg gals who "get it" . . .

Congrats on being PIO free!

 
At December 31, 2006 2:25 PM, Blogger MoMo said...

Hi Sube...just dropping by to wish you a Happy New Year. I hope everything is going well.

 
At February 08, 2007 12:44 PM, Blogger Just another Jenny said...

Missing you Sube. I hope everything is going well.

 
At February 21, 2007 7:51 PM, Blogger GLouise said...

Just checking in on you! Would love an update to know that all is well!!!

 
At February 27, 2007 9:36 AM, Blogger The Town Criers said...

Keep looking back for an update. Is everything okay? Hope you're feeling well and that all is good.

 
At March 02, 2007 10:45 AM, Blogger Thalia said...

sube, do let us know sometime how you are doing.

 
At March 12, 2007 7:42 PM, Blogger Kari said...

Anyone heard any news?

 
At March 28, 2007 11:44 PM, Anonymous Sarah said...

Sube, I agree that it is difficult to go on with pg after IF and it will never feel 'normal'. The best you can do is get support from all the people in blogland or find an appropriate board. Take care.

 
At April 04, 2007 8:36 PM, Anonymous UtRus said...

You are SO not alone. It's true, the scars of infertility stay with us. but i think it may, in the end, make us better people for what we've been through. Congrats on stopping the PIO shots!! I was on micronized prog. until 14 weeks and when i went off it i felt SOOOO much better. may your good luck continue. hugs. (p.s. so many of us keep blogging throughout infertility/ART procedures/pregnancy/family... might be worth hanging out on the blogs and not on the weird message boards?

 
At April 06, 2007 4:20 PM, Blogger Jess said...

Happy Easter season, Sube.

Still thinking of you. We'd all love an update!

 
At October 05, 2007 8:01 AM, Blogger Beagle said...

Hoping all's well,
xxoo
Beagle

 
At February 24, 2010 11:55 PM, Blogger 寶貝別哭 said...

Drive carefully. It is not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.............................................

 
At February 24, 2010 11:55 PM, Blogger 剩沒底天 said...

Joy shared with others are more enjoyed...................................................

 
At March 16, 2010 3:21 AM, Blogger 無尾熊可愛 said...

Actions speak louder than words. ........................................

 

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